On our first family “outing,” which consisted of three hour preparations to go down the road to my mother’s house, Ben suddenly stopped and looked around.
“You know,” he said slowly. “I have the strangest feeling like someone is missing…”
I looked around did a quick head count–two girls, one small(ish) newborn boy. All accounted for.
“We have all the kids. Diaper bag? Wallet? Phone? Are we forgetting something?”
“No,” said Ben, shaking his head. “Someone.”
I laughed shakily, childbirth much too fresh in my mind to even go down that road. “That is weird!”
And so we continued.
Until we were packing up yet again (our lives consist of a lot of that now) to go on a family walk. Jake was loaded up, shoes were strapped on, and Ben started herding them towards the road.
“Don’t forget…” I started.
Then stopped.
Because I had no idea how to finish the sentence. Because I thought we were forgetting someone. Except we were all there.
It was the strangest feeling.
Ben stared at me, waiting for me to finish.
“Well…I guess never mind,” I mumbled. “I just had the same feeling you did, I guess. Like we were forgetting someone…”
Ben nodded knowingly.
Can I do this all again? The incredible weight gain? The sleepless nights, (which, lately are killing me!) the year-long commitment to breastfeeding, the squeezing of our family home, the starting over with everything?
Hi. I’ll take another baby, please. No, I’m not crazy. I think.
I think I will.
I can feel it–our family is just not yet complete. I don’t know when (hopefully I can wait a good three years this time!) and I’m not exactly sure why, but I have this feeling like I will not be done with this crazy path of pregnancy and motherhood.
I feel like there is a fourth child looming somewhere in our future, waiting for the day that he or she is no longer forgotten, but welcomed and loved in that sweet, sweet newborn love.
After all, that has to be one benefit of being a young mom, right? More kiddos?
Maybe it’s an adoption call.
I never even considered that! That would be something!
I love this line: “I feel like there is a fourth child looming somewhere in our future, waiting for the day that he or she is no longer forgotten, but welcomed and loved in that sweet, sweet newborn love.” Even though our third little one has yet to arrive, I’m already feeling this. My husband told me to get rid of all the baby girl stuff because he thinks this is our last, but he thought that after our second too. I keep telling him I feel like we won’t be complete until there are four little ones running around. I don’t know…maybe I’m crazy too, especially considering how sick I get with pregnancy…but I get this post.
I will say though, it’s tempting to throw out all the newborn stuff and clothes my daughters have outgrown. I HATE sorting through everything and storing it!
I’m pregnant with #3 and I always felt that 4 would complete the family, but Hubby is officially done 🙁 I keep telling myself that if God wants me to have 4, He’ll give me one more after this somehow.
As a mother of four, I am the last person to tell you not to have another baby! Especially considering that I’m an observant Catholic! 🙂
But I have to say that this whole post didn’t sound like you wanted or needed another baby; instead, it sounded like science fiction to me. Like you really belonged to an alternate timeline, maybe one in which Jake was a twin. Not that it is science fiction, just that it sounded like that.
The adoption answer sounds logical, too.
That was actually the first thing we thought about–if Jake could have possibly had a twin. Weird, huh?
I love this story – so beautiful! And I love how insync you and your husband are. I prayed when I wanted 6 kids and he wanted NO MORE THAN 2 that either one or both of us would change our minds to be naturally in agreement with each other – secretly I meant I wanted HIM to change, but now that I’m pregnant with #2, I feel like ‘this is it’, and it’s perfect. Maybe we’ll decide differently later, but now – it’s so beautiful that we both feel the same way!
Once upon a time, I thought I wanted 6 kids…who knows?? 😉