Ok, ok, I give up.
Clearly, I need to just admit that it’s time.
I can’t deny it any longer.
The truth is…
I need to break out the ol’ maternity jeans.
I’ve been pretending I can get by with my trusty belly band and my hipster jeans, but after accidentally flashing my butt one too many times at the grocery store/bank/church/insert any public location here, I guess I have to admit defeat.
The thing is, I hate maternity jeans. I have a really weird body shape. Unlike your ideal “womanly” hourglass shape, I have the unfortunate circumstances of being shaped more like a triangle. I have broad shoulders, (get this: my shoulders are actually bigger than my husband’s. No lie–we measured. Sad, but true.) giant arms, back fat, and a roly-poly tummy that will rival even the chubbiest of Winnie-the-Poohs. To top off the lovely picture that is my body, somewhere after my muffin top, my lower body kind of…dwindles. My legs and butt are totally out of proportion, being much too small for the giant upper half.
This creates a conundrum when it comes to maternity jeans. I can never, for the life of me, find a pair that will actually, you know, stay on. Drives. me. crazy. They are all huge in the booty and legs, and end up slowly sliding down, taking that horrible, itchy panel along with it.
Needless to say, I am dreading donning them again. Besides being horribly unshapely, they land me squarely in the fat department again, as the baby really has nothing to do with all the weight I’ve gained. Which is unfortunate. And means I’m in for a big surprise when I pop this kid out and realize that I don’t have an excuse for eating M & M’s off the floor anymore.
So, just wondering, does anyone out there have any recommendations of where to find a smaller maternity jean? I obviously still need the big belly, but I’m looking for a pair that won’t make my butt sag more than Mya’s in the morning…