The other day at the store, I was waiting in line at the store with the Jake man, who was looking all adorable in his fuzzy blue teddy bear snowsuit. I swear that man has a sensor for when people are admiring him, because whenever we go anywhere, he immediately hams it up, smiling his little gummy smile and flashing his dimples.
Such a man.
Anyways, so this lady in line immediately starts cooing over him, flailing her arms in his face whilst I tried to nonchalantly prevent her from touching him all over. (Does this bug anyone else? I wouldn’t touch a stranger’s baby in the store, would you??)
“Oh, he’s soo cute!” she squealed. She eyed me up and down. “Congratulations!!”
“Thank you,” I said. I knew she was thinking that he was my first, so I felt the need to pay homage to his sisters’ existences as well. “He’s actually my third!”
The flailing arms suddenly stopped. “Yup, he has two sisters at home!” I continued brightly.
“Oh!” she said, surprise written all over her face. “So, are you done now?”
I get that a lot.
Seriously, it feels like at some point, now that I have three children, every person I have ever encountered as has asked me if I am done having kids. And it’s not so much that I mind people asking me how many children I plan on having, because I admit to being curious about other people’s baby-making plans, but I do find it really interesting that after three, the question takes a different tone.
An almost threatening tone.
As in…
“You’re done having kids now…right??”
As in…
“You had better be, you no-good-breeder! You already have one of each, for cryin’ out loud!”
It’s weird.
I get that having more than two kids turns us from a neat and portable family into more of a spectacle. And I know that when I see families with a bunch of kids, I am always amazed. Primarily because I am amazed by the thought that anyone with a gaggle of children 1) find time to have sex 2) want to have sex 3) be pregnant that many times 4) not lose their minds.
But that’s just my tired, small-children brain talking.
I honestly don’t know how many more children, if any, I will have. At this point, I am 26 and have a lot of baby years ahead of me. Ben and I both come from families with four children, so that doesn’t seem like a “large” family to me.
I don’t know, maybe I’m being over-sensitive, but does anyone else get the feeling that there is an implication that the more children you have, the more irresponsible you are?
LOL!!!!!! I got the opposite after the third boy “oh are you going to try for a girl?” As if my three boys weren’t good enough. Or “I guess you’ve given up on the girl.” THEN we started foster care and we have four boys and a girl. So now I get “Oh, you got your girl” again, as if the four boys weren’t enough. I’ve been done having babies for seven years. However, I think once you get to four kids people assume you’re crazy and will forever have more babies, because I don’t get asked “are you done” or anything. People are funny.
Haha! That’s right, I have a double whammy, 3 and I “got” my boy! 🙂
When we had two kids, people used to give us the “so, you’re finished” line, too. We had a boy and a girl. Who could possibly want any more?
Well, we could. And we had another girl and another boy. And they were delightful!
Now we have five grandchildren, four of whom we wouldn’t have had if we had had only two children. Oh, and the child who has four? She’s 26, too. She has a 3 1/2-year-old, a 2-year-old, and almost-three-month-old twins. They’re very very Catholic and apparently very, very fertile, so I’m pretty sure they’re going to have more. However, they hang out with the large-family type of Catholic, so I bet they don’t get so much of the “you’re finished, right?” stuff. Except from my mother, who totally doesn’t get it! LOL!
Anyway, go you, Chaunie! You have such beautiful children, why wouldn’t you want more? 😀
After my third boy was born, I swear I heard this Every. Single. Day.: “So, are you gonna try for a girl?” My answer? “Well, look at my batting average. I think we’re all set.”
Also: Boys are awesome!
Great post, Chaunie.
As if “trying” for a certain gender is even possible, right? Off with your head! 🙂
Yeeeeeeees! Oh my gosh – I wish I got a dollar for every time someone asked me if I am done having kids! Or “now that you have 2 boys … you’re going to try for a girl AND THEN you’re done, right?!?!?” Try for girl?! Like it’s a game at the carnival. Lol. It’s AWKWARD. It makes ME feel funny when they ask that question… so I’ve taken to turning the tables! Because I’m fiesty like that! I’ll just answer them with another question: “Why would you ask that?” “Are YOU done having kids?!” Puts the pressure on. They squirm. It’s funny. And then I tell them that my husband wants 12 – and that I can’t keep my hands off him… so it’s bound to happen! Ok I’m done! I could go on and on!! GREAT topic!
Hahaha! I love it! I need to try it! Maybe I’ll start carrying around a picture of my husband from his shirtless football days and flashing that as my explanation! LOL!
DO IT!
When I had my second child, I was congratulated frequently on having one of each because now I could be done. When I announced my 3rd pregnancy, I was appalled at the negative reactions I got, both because I was having a THIRD and because I already had one of each. Since when is it anyone else’s business how many kids I have?
http://supermommyornot.blogspot.com/2012/06/youre-having-how-many-kids.html
A-men.
Yes, yes yes! I get that a TON. People think I’m crazy for wanting more kids. It is frustrating. It always comes from people without children. I just want to say “Well, you don’t know how wonderful they are!” My husband and I have always said having a baby is the coolest thing, so lets do it as many times as we can!
Now if Ingrid would just sleep through the night, we might consider trying for the next 🙂
I love that attitude Lacy! Plus, it’s hard for other people to see our kids as the INDIVIDUALS that they are, you know? They just see a gaggle of messy, loud children. 🙂
I’m going to guess that it has more to do with the fact that he is a boy and your older two are girls. I have three girls. I am done, but EVERYONE always asks me when I’m going to try for my boy. I’m not sure why it is a requirement to have one of each gender in order to be “done.” But apparently it is!
Um, yes. All the time. We have had 5 kids in 5 years and peoples reactions are RUDE. I get that our family is not the norm. We are not irresponsible (i.e. yes they were “on purpose”!), we are not expected by some religion to reproduce at an alarming rate…. we just wanted a lot of kids and opted to have them close together. I get asked constantly if my husband has “had that issue taken care of” and I just find that to be so offensive. I can joke round with the best of them, but there’s something about an old woman at the grocery store who implies that all I do is have sex that makes me want to vomit.
“that issue taken care of..” O.M.G.!! They’re all just jealous, that’s my thought. 😉
Oh my goodness I love this post so much. After we had our second, we had one of each. I cannot even begin to count how many people said “That is so cool, one of each! Now you’re done!”
We had ALWAYS planned on three children. Then of course, I got the “Oh no, after the second you will change your mind.”
Nope…ever did. I would have 4 but hubby is pretty stuck on 3 and that is ok. We are 13 weeks now with # 3 and have not made in “Facebook official” yet….we’ll see how it goes!!!!
Awesome post!!
Oh, this is so frustrating to me! We’re expecting our 4th and I am just cringing when it’s time to tell friends and family! We have 3 boys and I’m bracing myself for the, “Do you hope it’s a girl this time?!” or “I hope you get a girl after 3 boys!” lines! Also, it’s so true that after you have 3, people just assume you shouldn’t want anymore! I’ll admit, when DH and I were first married, we had the mind set that we would have TWO and that was it…our contribution to society. LOL! How life changes your mind! After two, we decided kids were definitely a precious blessing and haven’t looked back at all! And no, we didn’t decide to have more just because we had two boys to start! LOL!
Love your post on this! It is so true!!! I don’t understand why people don’t see children as blessings anymore!