Yesterday afternoon, I confessed some of my feelings about my royal suckdum as a mother to the hubs.
I had a day (or two or three) of feeling tired and burnt-out, trapped in the house forever with three small children. As many of you know, the effort required to get all three out the door, in between naps, hoping they will all be happy and that Jake will not need to be changed or have a diaper blowout, to some sort of cheap activity, does just not seem worth it.
And so I stay home.
And when I’m home, I’m not working. Which means I’m not making money. And then I feel guilty. And then frustrated. Which makes me a grumpy mom, which leads me to feeling tired and burnt-out, and so the cycle continues.
My solution has been to try to bring in the big bucks working from home. But when I’m working from home, I’m not playing with my kids.
I kind of prefer it that way.
Now I’m not talking about the occasional puzzle or Pinterest-inspired arts and crafts that will ultimately end up in failure, or even a rousing game of duck-duck-goose.
I’m talking on a day-to-day, routine basis, my girls have gotten in the habit of playing pretty independently.
It’s something I feel like I’ve been working forever at.
To get to the point where they could be happy going off on their own and playing and making believe. Usually, they park somewhere right next to me; on the window seat if I’m writing, or on the kitchen floor if I’m cooking.
But for the most part, they aren’t waiting for me to direct them or begging me to come play with them.
It’s taken me months and months and months to get to this point. And I’m betting that the recent loss of television has played a role in it too, but the crazy thing is, now that we’re here…
I of course wonder if I’m doing the right thing.
Should I be playing more with them? Will they love me when they grow up if I’m more of a hands-on mom? Am I just being a miserable, selfish person for encouraging them to go play on their own?
I like to think I’m doing them well–instilling independence in them and fostering their imaginative growth. After all, I’m just boring old Mom, right? They can make believe way better than I can.
I think it’s the basic WAHM quandary–when you are here with your kids, but not exactly present. In some ways, it almost is easier to work out of the house, because then you don’t feel guilty about not playing with them or interacting with them when they are right next to you.
The thing is, I like doing my thing and they like doing theirs. I feel like I’m a happier mom feeling more productive, doing “adult” tasks during the day and that they are kids, so they should be doing the “kid” thing, right?