Yesterday afternoon, I confessed some of my feelings about my royal suckdum as a mother to the hubs.
I had a day (or two or three) of feeling tired and burnt-out, trapped in the house forever with three small children. As many of you know, the effort required to get all three out the door, in between naps, hoping they will all be happy and that Jake will not need to be changed or have a diaper blowout, to some sort of cheap activity, does just not seem worth it.
And so I stay home.
And when I’m home, I’m not working. Which means I’m not making money. And then I feel guilty. And then frustrated. Which makes me a grumpy mom, which leads me to feeling tired and burnt-out, and so the cycle continues.
My solution has been to try to bring in the big bucks working from home. But when I’m working from home, I’m not playing with my kids.
And confession?
I kind of prefer it that way.
Now I’m not talking about the occasional puzzle or Pinterest-inspired arts and crafts that will ultimately end up in failure, or even a rousing game of duck-duck-goose.
I’m talking on a day-to-day, routine basis, my girls have gotten in the habit of playing pretty independently.
It’s something I feel like I’ve been working forever at.
To get to the point where they could be happy going off on their own and playing and making believe. Usually, they park somewhere right next to me; on the window seat if I’m writing, or on the kitchen floor if I’m cooking.
Sweetest thing ever. One morning writing session at my desk, one sister reading session.
But for the most part, they aren’t waiting for me to direct them or begging me to come play with them.
It’s taken me months and months and months to get to this point. And I’m betting that the recent loss of television has played a role in it too, but the crazy thing is, now that we’re here…
I of course wonder if I’m doing the right thing.
Should I be playing more with them? Will they love me when they grow up if I’m more of a hands-on mom? Am I just being a miserable, selfish person for encouraging them to go play on their own?
I like to think I’m doing them well–instilling independence in them and fostering their imaginative growth. After all, I’m just boring old Mom, right? They can make believe way better than I can.
I think it’s the basic WAHM quandary–when you are here with your kids, but not exactly present. In some ways, it almost is easier to work out of the house, because then you don’t feel guilty about not playing with them or interacting with them when they are right next to you.
The thing is, I like doing my thing and they like doing theirs. I feel like I’m a happier mom feeling more productive, doing “adult” tasks during the day and that they are kids, so they should be doing the “kid” thing, right?
Yes. I totally think kids should play independently. I’m with you, I’m good with games, crafts every once in a while, but that’s it. I think that what happens if you don’t do it this way is that they just don’t know HOW to play on their own. I want creative, kids that excel at problem solving. I believe this is how to get there. I see it already with my older boys (almost 6, & 4.5)
You’re doing awesome Chaunie!
xo
That helps to hear from you, Heidi!
No, you’re absolutely doing the right thing. Encouraging them to play independently gives them the gift of being able to make themselves happy – and really, isn’t that what we all want for our kids? For them to be creative, smart, independent kids who can entertain themselves. I don’t play with my kids either, I’ll play board games, or help with a puzzle, and I’m always good for reading to them – but getting down on the floor and playing with army guys or barbies or building towers – nope, that’s not my thing. I honestly didn’t like playing with toys when I was a kid, the thought of doing it as an adult is completely unappealing.
I totally agree with you. As a *mostly* stay at home mamma to three littles (ages 3, 2, and 1) it is so nice to have my kids play and entertain themselves. I do occasionally feel guilty about not constantly interacting with them, but then I see how happy they are and realize if I entertain them all the time, when will they learn how to be happy when I can’t be there 100% of the time? I was raised doing a lot of independent play, I was 1 of 6 and my mom realistically didn’t have time to entertain us constantly, and I remember it being a really happy childhood. So encouraging to hear other moms doing the same thing I’m doing.
Heidi is right. Quit fussing at yourself. 🙂
Seriously, only children don’t seem to know how to amuse themselves as easily. Even babies are like that. I’ve been babysitting some grandchildren lately, so let me give you my perspective from that POV.
Rosie’s kids are three and a half (boy), two (girl), and two months (twin girls). The “big kids” play well on their own. They’re even learning to solve their own conflicts. The babies are needy, of course, but there is just not enough time for one person to deal with all their needs. The big kids amuse the babies some of the time just by being near them and talking to them.
Patrick’s kid is four months old. She’s always had one parent or the other with her. I’m the first person to babysit her. She won’t even take a bottle without lots of preparation. She doesn’t even play with dangling toys for very long. I have to amuse her practically all of the time, except when she’s napping, which doesn’t take up much time, because she won’t drink much milk while her mom is gone!
So don’t worry. You’re doing it just right. Chill!
I guess I enjoy the happy medium 🙂 I don’t feel guilty for the time I spend running the house or doing a little something for me, but I guess I can’t resist playing with them for some period of time during the day! Reading books, playing trucks, arts and crafts – or even snuggling on the couch and watching Elmo’s World does my heart good. I suppose that I’m the mom that cries at night because I feel like the time is passing too quickly! Yea that’s me. Lol. Today is the only moment we are promised with our little ones <3
🙂 Definitely! It’s hard when I feel the pressure to make money for the familia, though!
All I can say is, I’m glad my boys are close in age so they can entertain each other. When they are separated, and I am alone with the other – whew! It’s WORK!
Sometimes, I feel the same about my daughter. She’s an only child and she mostly plays by herself. Ocassionally she’ll ask me to play dolls with her and I’ll decline and she’ll play dolls by herself and I’ll listen to her come uo with these great made up storylines for them and I feel proud that she can do that without me. When wr do play,it usually a rousing game of wrestling in which whoever wins gets to steal kisses from.the other. You’re not aone in the way you feel. Come visit me sometime @mommyincolor.com. BTW, I’m Jennice and Amani is my five year old wrestler!
I love this! My kids are much younger than yours, so playing is still a very large part of my day. Sometimes I get really sick of it, but I keep doing it, as they are still learning to play 😛
Looking forward to the day when they are able to play more independently as yours do!!! that will be such a grand day! lol