Ben and I kicked off the new year in the most traditional manner–with the fight of the century. Yes, it was mostly my fault, but the combination of working the night before, getting no sleep and being sick all culminated into me acting like one colossal brat.
Long story short, Ben ended up venting his frustrations for my woe-is-me attitude (concerning, as it has for the past 8 years, how much I hate being a nurse).
Finally, he exploded with the line that spoke volumes, the line that has become my anthem for the new year:
“Find your own happiness, Chaunie!”
Even through my brattiness, his words floored me. I felt like I was in a movie, when people don’t fight over meaningless issues, but actually deliver insightful exclamations into deep-seeded emotions. Because, although I will never actually admit it to my husband, he was 100%, absolutely right.
I have been blaming others, making excuses, playing the tired “martyr mom” song. I have to admit, I’ve never really bought into that whole as-long-as-mom’s happy thing. I think there are sacrifices that just go along with motherhood, and at this point in my life, I’ve honestly thought that working as a nurse was just one of those things.
For the first time ever, with Ben’s words, it hit me that maybe there is some truth to making mom happy. My unhappiness truly has affected the whole family, even if it took the fight of the century for Ben to tell me.
So, my mission for 2012 is quite simple.
To find my happiness.
And to maybe win a trip to Hawaii. Wouldn’t hurt, right?
I’m dying to hear from anyone else who struggles along the same lines here. What do you think about working and happiness? Should I just be happy to have a job? How can I give up something guaranteed and secure as nursing?