Dear Daughter, You Are Not “Shy”

Oh, she’s your shy one. 

When she’s going to come out her shell?

Do you think she’s ready for preschool?

The comments come, one by one, seemingly innocent, but stinging like tiny barbs as I hold my four-year-old closer to me, wrapping my arm around her like a shield against the world.

I hate these things, these labels that try to tell her that there’s something wrong with her, that she’s too quiet, too shy, too not-enough-of-this-or-that. 

I want to scream at those who dare suggest that she is anything less than what she needs to be, my bright and observant second-born. Yes, she takes her time in new situations and yes, she will definitely give you the once-over before deciding to show you her whip-smart and funny side, but there is nothing wrong with her.

Shy is a harmful label and honestly does it ever help to have someone in your face hurling comments at you like, “You’re a quiet one, aren’t you?” I mean, I’m an adult, quieter by nature, and that gives me nightmares just thinking about it.

So to my daughter, my wonderfully kind, thoughtful, and fiercely bright daughter, I have one thing to say to you:

I wish I could stop the world from seeing you as less than you are, but I can’t. For some reason, the world wants to value the loud, the life-of-the-party types, the ones who steal the spotlight.

But know that I always see you for what you are.

I see your bravery, the way you can size up a situation before approaching it. 

I see your kindness, the way tears fall from your eyes whenever my own fill. 

I see your loyalty, the way your eyes light up around your family. 

I see the love that you have for your Daddy, the only one who could ever soothe you as a baby. 

I see your hesitation, wanting to do your best yet unsure if you can. 

And I wish you could see yourself the way I do.

Because you are perfect.

And no matter what the world says, you are ready.

So bring it on–because the little girl with the cowgirl boots and the hair that’s always in her face has a strength that may surprise you. 

Image property of Chaunie Brusie