I read this article the other day over at Babble and it really struck me. I mean, really struck me. It’s one of the articles that makes me, as a writer, realize why exactly I love writing. Because of the power of this woman’s words to reach something so deeply personal in me as a mother was incredible.
The author, much to my disbelief, is an accomplished writer. We’re talking regular contributor to the likes of Parents, Fitness, and a former editor at Glamour and Self. That’s big name stuff in my book–just the thought of having writing creds like that makes me think I would have it made.
This mom writes of exactly what I have experienced as a (mostly) stay-at-home mom.
The inexplicable sadness you feel while pouring your 500th bowl of Cheeriors in the morning.
The maddening drone of the day.
The fact that you feel guilty that you should be happy, grateful to be home with these beautiful children.
The thing that is so hard to talk about–anger.
“On good days, my girls go to bed and proclaim that this was the best day ever. I am able to conceal from them that the whole evening routine suffocates me. Being at home often makes me feel trapped, like the whole world is productively moving forward while I brush three sets of teeth. Once that feeling comes on, I’m steps away from guilt and anger.
Let me just say that I was never angry like this before I had kids. I didn’t know it was possible for two distinct personalities to co-exist inside of me – the happy me, the mad me – and the fact that they do now makes me feel like a big fake, a hypocrite of happy. I often wonder if I should have to wear a nametag when I leave home that reveals my other side.
The happiness I feel outside of my house, though, is as genuine as the anger is at home. When I am at the park chasing my kids down the slide or zipping down the aisles with them at Stop and Shop, I’m good. In fact, I look back at the at-home me who was scrubbing the splat mat under the table with hot tears in her eyes just that very morning, and I can’t articulate what I was so upset about except that it felt real.”
I bookmarked this article and I wanted to share it with you, because just in the smallest case that I am not alone and crazy in the world and you feel what I felt in reading this…we can find some relief together.
Let me know what you think about it…A Happy Mom’s Confession: I’m Not So Nice at Home